DIY Salt Dough Frog Ornament

It’s that time of year where we don’t know what to do with ourselves! If you’re like me, you’re probably a bit behind on holiday spirit and bored out of your god forsaken mind. If that’s the case and you want to make some home-made, eco-friendly ornaments I welcome you to…

THE FROG ZONE!

Or the salt dough ornament zone, but more specifically…

THE FROZEN FROG FROM AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER SALT DOUGH ORNAMENT ZONE! It just doesn’t roll off the tongue as well.

Supplies You’ll Need:

Not pictured: measuring cups

2 cups (16oz) flour

1 cup (8oz) salt

½ cup (4 oz) water

Bowl

Cookie sheet

Rolling pin

Wax paper

Aluminum foil

Paint brushes

Paint

Wire cutters (or use your beastly arms)

Wire

Sealer

Oven or toaster oven

Measuring cups

Optional Supplies:

Cookie cutters

Eco-friendly paint

Eco-friendly sealer

String

Holiday blues

Not pictured: string

Let’s Begin!

Preheat your oven to 200 F (93 C) and get working!

Mix the flour, salt, and water together in a bowl until the mixture is well incorporated. It should be workable and smooth-ish.

If possible, take out this year’s resentments on the dough. I promise it will help in some capacity.

Note: If you’re just making cookie cutter ornaments skip the next section.

The Frog Base

Crumple some aluminum foil into a ball for the base. The best overall shape is a tapered ball that’s thicker in the middle than the edges.

Make two divots in front for the eyeballs and poke a hole on the top for a wire. (don’t wait until the dough is on the base, trust me)

Using the Salt Dough

Now it’s time to work with the salt dough! No matter what you’re working on, if an area of your dough gets too wet or sticky pat a little flour onto it. If an area gets too dry, pat a little water on it.

For the Frog

Cover the aluminum with salt dough by rolling it out or by using your hands to smoosh it on.

Next make two balls for eyes and roll out a noodle for the legs and arms. Fold the back legs into S shapes and the front legs into candy canes.

Use water to join any seams and attach the appendages.

Not pictured: I built a little nose between the eyes with a small triangle to make a more realistic frog

For the Cookie Cutter Ornaments

Roll out the room temperature dough on a lightly floured surface. Flour the fuck out of the cookie cutters. I don’t care if you just floured it. Flour it again or your dough will get stuck. Then, transfer the cut out shapes to a cookie sheet.

If you’re having issues transferring the cut out shapes I would recommend using wax paper as your floured surface. Whatever makes this shit easier.

Note: Try to make sure your cut out shapes no bigger than half an inch. Also poke a hole in the ornament with the end of your paintbrush (a needle will not cut it).

I don’t care if you just floured it. Flour it again or your dough will get stuck.

Someone who’s been hurt by her dough one too many times

Baking the Ornaments

Pop the ornaments into the oven for about 2 hours. This slow heat will uniformly cook the ornaments.

Once they’re done, take them out, let them cool and start decorating.

Finishing Touches

Now is time for the fun part! Get your whole dumbass family involved!

Cover all of your ornaments in a sealer, let it dry, and then get deep in the paint.

For the Frog Decorations

I did a base paint of light green and painted white shines to make it look like it was frozen. I also added a bit of dry-brushing for more texture.

Remember to stab in the wire here!

For the Cookie Cutter Decorations

For the cookie cutter ornaments, lament how small the holes are for the string you have.

Remember to go buck-wild.

Congrats!

Your ornaments are done!

It’s time to shout: suck it Hoemark, then hang your creations on your tree with pride. 

DIY Pickled Siren Egg Potion Bottle

Hello Ghoulie Fuck-os! Love Halloween decorations, but hate the capitalist end of the world nightmare we’re currently living in and the impending doom you feel due to inaction regarding climate change?

Yes?

You know what that means?! Its DIY time! Thats right! Here comes an eco-friendly, up-cycled, existential dread reprieve of an autumnal craft.

Supplies You’ll Need:

Not pictured: pen

Bowl

Cup with water

Food coloring

Clear wine bottle

Paper bag

String

Marbles

Glue

Tongs

Scissors

Optional Supplies:

Cookie sheet

Ice

Pot

Pan

Oven mitt

Access to a stove/toaster oven

Inner demons

Advocate’s guilt

Let’s Begin!

Find a bottle you want to use. If there’s alcohol in it, go get shit-faced and come back tomorrow. We are going to be dealing with hellfire baby!

Once your bottle is empty, rinse it out and place it into a pot of boiling water on the stove. This will make removing the labels a breeze. You can also peel them off by hand and scrub the bottle if you don’t have a stove. Just plan for it to take longer.

Note: If you don’t have an oven or toaster oven, skip the next section. These steps make the marbles sparkly and isn’t necessarily needed.

The Eggs

Preheat your oven of choice to 400 F or 205 C. Place your marbles on the pan and heat them in the oven for 20 minutes. I promise you it’s safe and you will definitely not summon a demon pretending to be an early 20th century child. Probably.

When your marbles are done in the oven, get out your bowl and fill it with ice water. Put on your oven mitt and dump those little bitches into that cold water. Due to science, they will crack, but hold their shape give or take a few marbles.

The Potion Bottle

Then, put a fuck ton of marbles in your bottle aka “Siren Eggs” and fill the rest of the bottle with water. Add some red and yellow food dye to your pleasure.


Now take your cup and fill it with water. Drop some blue food coloring in to dilute it. Carefully pour some of this blue water into your bottle. This will darken the color and make it creepy looking, blue can darken your colors fast, that’s why we dilute it and add little by little.

Extra Touches

Next, rip a brown paper bag into a label sized piece. Set out a bowl of water and locate a fire source (a match or a gas stovetop) and singe the edges of the paper by holding it with a pair of tongs or tweezers.

Dip the paper into the water when it’s singed enough or if the flame is getting out of control.

When the label is finished and dry write Pickled Siren Eggs on it or whatever you want. You can paste this on the bottle or wrap some hemp or whatever string you have around the bottle and poke a hole through the label with the pen.

Lastly, add any other flourishes that fit your fancy.

You’re the bad witch in charge

Congrats!


You’re done!

Now you’ve got some cool ass shit for your Halloween decor. Or if it’s Thanksgiving time you can label it “Pickled Privilege” and see which family members aren’t up their own asses.

Now you can rub your diy craft in the faces of all your friends online.

Or not.

Whatever you do, enjoy!